Climbing the Walls...

The song of the moment is "Climbing the Walls" by Stir, from the album Holy Dogs.

I'm finding that a little bit of patience goes a long way. Thanks to John and Justin, here, I've managed to stabilize myself. I'm making connections, and even doing a little bit of work. Things are looking great right now!

It's amazing how a small amount of persistence can turn into such a great deal of good feeling. A few weeks ago, things felt rather hopeless. I had my phone shut off without warning, I never got my stuff sent to me from California, and I still hadn't found a job. However, I did my best to keep my chin up in the face of adversity. I'm not the type to give up easily, and the consistent and totally unconditional support I've had here has been just the kind of thing I've dreamed of for years.

For the first time in my life, I feel like I can be myself and still make progress. I have almost no friction here. Little by little, I'm starting to make progress in the right directions - physically, mentally, socially, and monetarily. John bought me a phone, I got a couple of clients for computer repair (and a few other little things), and someone even bought me a power supply for my laptop in return for doing a reformat of his computer.

I think I'm finally starting to learn what it feels like to overcome, and move forward. I've never felt so free. So, to anyone reading this, please remember that when things take a turn for the worst, look for the truth, and trust your own feelings - there are many possibilities in life, and the only way you'll ever be truly happy is to follow the ideals you hold closest to your heart...

A New Leaf

So, things lately have not seemed to work out. If I was a less determined individual, I would have given up long before now. However, it seems to me that everything in my life has worked out the way it does for a reason. I have now an unprecedented opportunity to really turn over a new leaf - to leave behind the things that have historically held me back, and be the man I want (and need) to be.

Some might say that I've been tested, but I don't look at it that way. In fact, I feel that it's quite the opposite. I always seem to be put in the position to learn exactly what I need to learn. As tough as life can be at times, I think we all need to remember that perception is everything. How we chose to view the situations that come our way is the only thing which determines what these situations will or won't do for us. From a literal and material perspective, things can seem hopeless; but these same things can propel us forward into the lives we've always dreamed of, as long as we stay true to ourselves and our ideals.

Lesson of the day - never give up hope, and never become disenchanted. If you do, you run the risk of losing everything that has made you who you are. Now, more then ever, we need to stand strong, and stand together. We must stay true to the ideals that mean the most to us - for me, honor, trust, and love. Regardless of what yours are, hold them close. Don't ever give up on your hopes, or else you're bound to miss the opportunities to make them a reality; it won't happen unless we make it happen.

Today, I am thankful for John, and Justin; two men that are now very close to my heart. They have shown me true compassion on the level which I could only expect from myself (and perhaps Fuji). So, you guys (if you ever read this), I vow to ensure your compassion never goes unrequited.

Tonight

     Well, it's strange how life ends up certain ways. Let's see here, in the last year, so little has changed. I still work full time. I also still fail miserably at most of my own goals. Who knew that devotion took so much energy?
    I guess, when it comes down to it, motivation is my biggest issue. If you took around me, you'd see why. It's hard to get motivated when no one around you shows any, themselves. My sister helps. Ant helps. But when it comes down to it, my lack of motivation has been coming largely from a lack of positive feedback. It's like everything I do falls into a black hole. Something else comes up that kind of voids the work I do.
    Oh well, I guess this month will be better. Heather's back, and I'm suddenly more energetic. I'm sort of ready to take on my next goal. At least, I hope. It's going to suck if I get halfway there and then give up again. Some things just aren't worth it, but...